What luxuries do you have as a stay at home mother?
Karma Lucille asked:
My ‘friend’ is a working mom. That is fine. I have no problem with women who need to work. The other night she reamed into me for telling her what I do during the day. She said that she didn’t have the ‘luxury’ of being a stay at home mom and had to work in order to keep up with her bills. Well, no offense but she has two [nice] cars to make payments on, high speed internet, DVR, very nice furnishings, etc. We don’t just get by but we don’t have half the stuff she does. So, I just don’t understand why some working moms who have all sorts of things hate on us staying home with our kids. We just don’t have a high standard of living.
My ‘friend’ is a working mom. That is fine. I have no problem with women who need to work. The other night she reamed into me for telling her what I do during the day. She said that she didn’t have the ‘luxury’ of being a stay at home mom and had to work in order to keep up with her bills. Well, no offense but she has two [nice] cars to make payments on, high speed internet, DVR, very nice furnishings, etc. We don’t just get by but we don’t have half the stuff she does. So, I just don’t understand why some working moms who have all sorts of things hate on us staying home with our kids. We just don’t have a high standard of living.
I just wanna know if you other stay at home moms have all of these amazing things or if you have a mediocre lifestyle? thanks
SHAUNA
December 24th, 2008 at 5:25 am
We have really compromised our lifestyle so I can stay home….we dont have any car at all! But Id rather live like this and look after my own baby than have someone else do the job.,…they are little for too short a time in my opinion.
December 27th, 2008 at 6:39 am
We just get by we make it payday to payday. Daycare however would cost more than it would for me to work.
The luxury I have is the really close bond with my children. I have the luxury of not getting yelled at or fired b/c I need time off work to take them to the doctor when they are sick and stay in the hosptiol with them
December 28th, 2008 at 11:09 am
i am a stay at home mom all week and work on the weekend when my husband can watch our children… daycare is outrageous! we live paycheck to paycheck and Do not live a luxerious life at all. i think your friend just might be jealous that you get to be with your kids and take care of them rather then sending them somewhere to be taken care of:)
December 30th, 2008 at 8:48 am
No luxuries here! As the other SAHM’s have stated, we’ve given up a lot so I can stay home with the kids. That to me is far more important than any “thing” we might want.
December 30th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
i think that it is a simple matte of your living within your means and she is not and so she might a bit jealous of the fact that you don’t need to work to make when you can live from.
so don’t worry about it your fin
December 31st, 2008 at 8:39 pm
I know what you are saying although my husband is a teacher and the school he teaches at most of the parents have a good amount of money so there are a lot of stay at home moms who drive really nice cars and have lots of plastic. I think for us we have made a choice that the “finer things” in life are not worth giving up the time we get to spend with our children
January 3rd, 2009 at 4:54 pm
No you don’t and its ok I was a stay at home mom and one of my friends did the same thing to me. It made me feel really bad about being a stay-at home mom. Don’t allow anyone to try to make you feel bad for taking wonderful care of your babies. Its all good your time will come.
January 4th, 2009 at 12:13 am
I don’t think my lifestyle is mediocre. I choose what is important to me and that is staying home with my kids. When they get school age, I will perhaps get a part time job or volunteer somewhere. But my kids are my number one priority. We may not have fancy stuff but we are comfortable. We budget for what we want but get all we need. Its about choices. You cut back and you realize what is want and what is need. My kids need a mother they don’t need a fancy car or PlayStation
January 4th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
I’m on the verge of maternity leave for a year and haven’t made up my mind yet what to do when the year is up! If I go back to work we’ll have nice holidays and be able to afford things like take aways meals out, clothes, furnishings etc but if I stay at home we will have to budget!!! My current job is long hours and has little understanding for parents and little tolerance of needing time off or going home at a decent time in the evening. So I need to really weigh up my priorities as I personally (though I wouldn’t judge others!) want to bring up my child and spend lots of time with him.
January 7th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
We have made several compromises so I can stay at home. We have two older cars 1995 & 1996 that are paid for. We don’t take many trips like we used too. We don’t eat out as much, and don’t spend much unless we have too. We have raised our kid with the necessities but not luxuries. He has clothes and toys but nothing in excess. He would rather be at the park or outside on a walk then watching tv.
I hate the fact that people automatically think that because you are at home all you are doing is sitting around eating chocolates and watching tv. They forget you are the teacher, disciplinarian, comfortor, nutristionist… and all these things are tough day in and day out. There are some days I think a job would be great so I could have a break. However, I love to see his new words come in, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
So it all comes down to is that everyone makes choices and you have to decide what is important to you. Some it is the status of a new car, others it is to be at home. No one should be jealous of anothers decision just realize that there are sacrifices on both ends.
January 10th, 2009 at 2:57 am
I worked with a woman who sounds just like your friend. Both of her children were in daycare from 6 weeks on because she claimed she couldn’t afford not to work, but her and her husband both drove new fully loaded SUVs and lived in a 4500 sq ft house. For some people, it’s not an option. For others, it is, and they choose to work.
As for us – our first daughter was a surprise, and we weren’t able to go down one income until she was 3, so she was in daycare until that point. I hated every day of it. I do know how guilty working moms can feel, and jealous too! I so envied the moms that got to take their kids to the park during the week, and have lunch with them everyday. I’m so blessed to be able to do that now.
Sorry, I guess I didn’t really answer the question. We do have nice things, but it’s because we shop consignment and scratch and dent sales, buy quality but not extravagence, and take good care of things so they don’t have to be replaced as often. As others said, all things in life are a matter of priority.
January 13th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
I work because I have too-I am a single mom-I get by…I don’t have alot of amazing things.
I don’t “hate” on stay at home moms-I think that is a broad and unfair statement. I don’t have a high standard of living at all.
Maybe talk to your friend and tell her she offended you-
January 13th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
I guess Im in a different position then most SAHM moms on this site, but no different then any of the women in my social circle (other then my best friend who has to work shes a single mom of 3). We have 4 nice cars all paid for, a 3000+sq foot home, high speed internet a large flat screen and so forth. HOWEVER my husband also owns his own company and Im not bragging but you asked. Prior to our business being so sucessful and refusing to live off of “family money” we did live pay check to pay check. We used coupons, shopped what was on sale, and made the minimum payments to any company we owed money too. There were times we’d have to skip paying our water bill in order to put food on the table (when he had hourly wage). I remember what it was like to have to live paycheck to paycheck and those that do it I have much respect for because I know it is hard. There was a time I even considered selling one of our cars in order to put tires on another!
My best friend however works has 3 kids and only gets support for one. Her home is furnished with just the basic needs mostly with furniture found at garage sales or good will that shes redone (but it does look nice) They have no fancy beds mostly boxspings on the floor mattress on top type beds but the kids are happy and well taken care of because she works her rear end off and though Ive offered to help she wont take it.
January 14th, 2009 at 3:42 am
We rented an apartment and drove a car that was 16 years old and another one that I had since high school. We didn’t have cable. We did all of this because it was so important to stay home with our babies. Now we finally bought a house and had to get a car payment (not a new car but a few years old), got satellite TV, and I have been working for the last 7 months. My husband works at home for himself so he takes care of the kids but sometimes I wish I could go back to my apartment and junk cars where life was simple and we did not have to worry so much about bills although we don’t exactly have a high standard of living, we are just trying to live a middle class lifestyle I still feel guilt sometimes. p.s. my husband will be starting a new job soon so I will get my stay at home mom job back soon, but I have to say it has been so hard working full time just to pay bills that we did not previously have.
January 14th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
I think your friend is jealous of you even that you haven’t got the stuff she can afford, your most privilege (stay at home mum) is you get to see your children grow and spend quality time with your kids, wile she gets to wonder what that is like, money does not bring happiness or your kids love.
Tell her to mind her won business or rethink where she has gone wrong in her life.
February 1st, 2009 at 12:45 pm
We live paycheck to paycheck honey. Some months are better than others, some we have to scrape by. The luxury I am most proud of is being able to see the smiling face of my son everyday and getting to watch him grow and learn. Who needs all that materialistic crap when you already have the greatest thing in the world?
February 2nd, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Over priced daycare should be a crime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
February 4th, 2009 at 6:42 am
One word, which is simply the true definition of priceless.
TIME
February 5th, 2009 at 1:18 am
i am a working mom, although i have lots of luxuries, in fact, sometimes i feel jealous to the stay at home moms, for they lead a more leisurely life and spend more time together with their children,
just as one of my friends from sugarmommymeet.com once claimed that being a working mom, one must sacrifice the precious time that should spare to her children,
February 8th, 2009 at 6:00 am
We made a conscious decision to sacrifice some things so that I could quit my job and stay home with our baby daughter. It was important enough to us that she have the comfort and stability of being raised in her own home by her own mother that we opted to cut out some things in our life, like going out to eat, buying a lot of new things, vacations, etc etc. Honestly, sometimes we think it would be nice to have the dual income, but then we think about our daughter’s quality of life and it makes all the sacrifices sooo worth it! I also have some friends who have opted to continue working so that they could afford their “luxuries”…just not worth it to me. To each their own I guess!
February 11th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Luckily my husband works very hard so we can have nice things, but it comes at a price – he works all the time. We decided together that I would stay home and he would “provide” for us, but he completely understands my job is NOT EASY!! My good friend stays home too and both of us have gotten flack for it. What I don’t understand is – this used to be the norm!! It actually used to be abnormal for a woman to work outside the home. My view on it is… A – I think if your going to make the decision to have children you need to stay home with them, why have children for OTHER people to raise them! B – when you add up all the cost of childcare, driving to and from work (gas and time), etc… you’re really breaking even, so why not just stay home! Now a days there are so many opportunities to work from home, so why not do that! That’s what I did – I love it!! The only “luxury” part about staying home is the time spent with your children and you should tell your friend that!
February 14th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
I’m a stay at home mom, and used to be a working single mom with 3 jobs. I know both sides. And this is a debate that could go on forever. We don’t have new cars or anything… it sucks, but my kids are more fun than a new car. You CAN work and be a good mom, but it’s easy to skrew up too. So working moms have to do it right!