Work From Home

good for him so the wife can stay at home with the children

I think the father should find a better paying job

Sounds like he is a man of strong moral character. Be thankful for him and remember your wedding vows.

Richer or Poorer
Better or worse
sickness and health

Now think of all the welfare bums popping out babies for your taxes to support. Maybe if taxes were not so high, he would only need one job. There were less taxes in the 50’s and no sales tax in most states in the 50’s

I totally agree! After working 80 hours a week, when he gets home, all he would probably want to do is sleep. Yeah, men and women need to get to work! This is a new century. It’s not 1950’s anymore!

i agree with you both parents should work normal hours and have time for there kids together.. it will make the child more secure that their parents are happily married and both love him or her and even improve the marriage at the same time!

That’s not very fair to the dad OR the kids. They never get to see their dad just so they can see their mom all day? That’s ridiculous. If they need two incomes then the mom and dad should BOTH be working so their kids can see them equal amounts.

It all depends on the family and the people in question. It is totally up to the family what suits them best.

Honestly, I think that both parents working would be the better of the two. True, they’d be working at about the same time, but as soon as the child is in school, that really wouldn’t matter much, would it? Then, all three of them would be gone at generally the same time, and they could spend their afternoons and weekends together.

Well if the 2nd job is a part time job that results in as much cash coming into the house as the mother would get working 40 hours then I see the monetary logic in it. My 4 cousins live with both parents. Their father works a 40 hr week and on top of that has a part time job delivering milk. The sons get to go on the milk truck with their dad (I like to think its because they are older but its probably a little sexism in there too lol), and he has plenty of time at the weekend to take them to soccer and ballet and for fishing trips. They have a balanced life and the mother doesn’t need to work for $8 an hour as a waitress.

This is a tough one, your letter was nicely wrote.
Sounds like you have a sweetheart for a husband if he was willing to work 80 hrs a week.
As far as your child not seeing their father isint good.
Instead of having to work 2 jobs you may suggest to your hubby to find a higher paying job, so he wouldnt have to work 2 jobs.
I believe its best if a mother is a stay @ home mom aleast till your child is 4 years of age.

that’s great except he will miss so much in his kids life, as well as his relationship with his wife.

depends on the situation. my hubby works a full time job (midnights) and pt time job on weekends. it is a sacrifice that we choose to make rather than have someone else raise our kids. we make it work, and we still spend plenty of time as a family together. would he like to be home more, sure he would. would the kids like him home more, probably. but for us, the “cost” isn’t worth it. we make sure he gets special time with each of them, and know that it won’t be like this forever. so long as it’s what you really want, and are willing to work at it, so that it does work for everybody, anything is possible.
i know my kids would rather be home with me and see him less, than not see either of us and have to spend their time with other care providers.

I think it all depends on how long he is gone from home. Is he working 2 full-time jobs, or a full-time and part-time one? If it’s part-time, he may be away from the home more than if he worked 40 hours, but there are many guys out there with one full-time job that are gone for more than 60 hours. Some dads do come home and just watch sports on TV the whole time leaving mom all the work. Is that any better? I think that as long as the dad values the time spent with the kids, then it’s up to the family to decide what works for them. It’s better that the kids spend a lot of time with one parent, then barely any time with either. I’m sure that won’t be the situation forever. As soon as the kid goes to school the mom can always get a job again. Also, I’m sure the family does stuff on weekends and holidays. Does that mean that army families are no good because the husbands get shipped out?

I believe this is a matter of personal choice. Yes the child needs both parents. Perhaps the dad does not want to be at home with the kids. For whatever reason. There are many reasons. Maybe that was their agreement before they had children. It is too hard to say one way or the other. At any case it is their choice as it is your choice to have both parents involved in the child’s life. It is a little strange but it works for them. I couldn’t do it by myself. I welcome the break when my husband come home. I took on a part time job in the evenings just so I can get out and talk to people above the height of 4 feet. Plus the extra income helps. It makes me a better parent to have a break and it helps me to feel as though I’m contributing financially. Some people would say I’m crazy. But who cares. This is my family and I make the rules and nobody can really tell me one way or the other. It is utimately me and my family who will have consequences if I fail or succeed. Nobody else.

it depends on every relationship. Some mothers are stay at home because “thats the way it has been for years” but there are alot of great stay at home dads. I stay at home right now because I am pregnant, and was told to go on bed rest. Due to three past miscarrages. But I used to work two jobs while my hubby did the stay at home thing, and went to school at night. Alot of dads do work two jobs. The main reason for that is minimum wage sucks. They do not make enough money to pay the bills. I think a dad or mom who does this is very responsible. But ya it does take away from time with the kids. But someone has to take care of the house. Most fathers would rather work vs. take care of trhe kids full time.

If he is willing to do it why not? women are more nuturing than males its in our genes…

Very admirable of anyone to do this for his family. I don’t think is the best for the family as good as the intent is. I think eventually he will get burnt out. This could even cause marital strains at some point. It’s not a bad idea if he is trying to close out some debts, but for the long haul a person can only do so much. I think a good sitdown strategy is needed so the result is more family time together as a whole. Just my 2 cents. Good luck to you both:)

at the moment his wife can be very fat to have a lazy day! It isnot right!!! Hei we are all humans and need to have time to go out, to have fun with our family! he isnot slave of family and she isnot the queen of England! Then the work have to be share by each other.

Honestly, I think alot of guys are a little scared about being Dad, and feel they’ll be the most useful if they just stick to what they know i.e. go to work. Maybe if he feels a little insecure as a parent, being a breadwinner gives him something to feel really good and confident about. It doesn’t mean that they’re bad people or bad parents at all. Really, I think that psychologically this influences alot of families decision to have the husband as an overtime breadwinner, maybe even more than the need for the extra money.
Think about it, if you really wanted to be an active dad, wouldn’t you at least try to find another way to be home more?

I think that depends on how old the child is. From birth to around 3 yrs. old is a very important time for a mother ’s bonding at a time when the child needs the most care. Many Dads are not too hot on poopy diapers and curdled milk down their shirts!

If it is at all possible, maybe the father could work part time at a second job to free up some time for mother and child. Or perhaps mother could work part time and father could share care of the baby. A difficult choice.

My husband was affectionate and a bit playful with our boys when they were under 3, but the big boy bonding started after they were potty trained and were getting pretty self-sufficient, something we always encouraged from the time they were walking. Hard, sometimes, LOL, they were fearless! Kept me on my toes.

There is no way any one else can tell you what is best. Unless what you are really wanting someone to tell you to go to work.
The best people in the world to make that decision are you and your husband. If you really feel that is best for all of you, then tell your husband you want to go to work, and be very honest with your reasons.

I feel it’s whatever works for that family. Why do they need income from two jobs? Big house, nice cars, etc.?

I know of people where the Mom stayed at home and the Dad worked a full-time and a part-time job. In that situation he made sure he spent time with the family when he wasn’t working.

I know of people where both parents work. Even then it’s hard to spend quality time with the children, because all the household chores, etc., then fall to the evenings or weekends.

Personally, I’ve worked. It was my choice to work. However, in hindsight, I see that my daughter would have been better off if I had stayed at home - although we did need more income that my husband’s salary.

It’s never an easy decision. It’s nice to have things and to give opportunities to your children that maybe we didn’t have, but each family has to weigh what they consider more important, and then follow through on their decisions. I won’t say what’s best for someone else, because I don’t live their life - they do.

I think until it has happened to you, you shouldn’t judge!! When my husband and I got together, we talked about when we had kids, his mom had to work, and he felt that if she would have been home he would have had a better childhood, the same with me. We both decided that ONE of us would stay home with our children. Because his job pays better, he works, but what is the difference if he is working one job for 80 hours, or two. My husband is paid salary, so it doesn’t matter how many hours he puts in, what ever they need him for he has to do. My husband works one job, about 45 hours a week, but before we moved he was the GM of a restaurant, and worked about 120 hours a week!His job right before this one he was the manager of a retail store, and wasn’t allowed to have more than two others working, one full time and one part time, so he was working about 80 hours a week, and we still got to spend time together as a family.
I agree that the children need both parents, but what if the mother can not find a job? there are too many factors that go in to this, and each situation is different.

If that is what both parties decided would be best then go for it. My husband has offered to do it too, but as stated it is not fair they miss out on too much. School activities, sports, growing and everyday lives of the kids. I have been lucky enough to be home, but if all you r kids are in school there is no reason a mother can’t find parttime work if money is tight instead of him doing it all.Get a job with the school then you are working while they are in school and off when they are. I worked nights for years just to make sure things were ok As mothers it is our job to make sure everything goes well, and not wanting to ever work is not fair allot of kids are gonna grow up not knowing how to be wonderful fathers due to the fact theirs didn’t have time to be there and show them how. Fathers are very important members of a family whether they live with you or not.

I think it’s a personal choice among a family and what really works best for them. My family and I, My fiancee works anywhere from 60 to 80 hours a week. I do not work at themoment, If i were to get a job, then all the money I make is spent in daycare. Sounds kinda pointless to me. My fiancee would do just about anything to make sure we had money, he’d get 3 jobs so that we were well taken care of. PLus, putting your kids in daycare can result in more missed days of work because kids tend to get sick more often in daycares from all the germs spreading, and even if your kid misses a couple of days for being sick you still have to pay for those days. So, one parent misses work to take care of sick child = no pay but still has to pay the daycare bill. IF I had family close I would go back to work so that I know and trust theperson watching after my son.

I agree with what you say, but it’s a personal decision. It is a little outdated for the man to think he only needs to provide financially.

That is such a tough choice to make. If my husband could not support our family working one job I would feel quite guilty having him work a second job so I could stay home. I would most likely get a job even though it would kill me to put my kids in daycare. I just fear they wont get the personal attention they need in daycare but the care is probably acceptable. And there is nothing wrong with a stay at home dad. If mom has better income potential than dad then great. If I made more than my husband I would have no problem with him staying home. My husband is a great dad and know my child would be in good hands. I guess you have to see what you both feel is best for your family.

The father in your question could be my father. He went to work at 4:00 am. and got home at 9:00 pm. There were times I only saw him briefly on the weekends because he was so tired he was always asleep, plus he was grouchy and it seemed I always made him mad. He was so distant he was honestly like a stranger that came to our house on weekends. I remember I used to cry when I had to sit behind in the car, because I thought he hated me. There were times that I would ask Mom who he was. I played baseball from 8 yr old to 18 and he only saw 2 games.

He provided for us, but the cost was WAY to much. When I was 20, I asked him why he worked so much. He asked me “Didn’t you have a good childhood with all you had and all I was able to give you?” It was the first time I every cussed in front of him. I said “What the hell are you talking about? All I ever wanted was you. I could have done without all the stuff.” I’d never seen him cry till then. I’m 41 now, and he has told me over and over and over what a mistake he made.

PS. I’m a stay at home dad for my 4 sons. My wife works 7-5 at a great job. I’ve learned from my dad…..

not fair to everyone involve,
the child & father willnothave a chance tobond
the marriage will suffer
because he will betoo tired to communicate when he finally home
and also in cases like this the mother end up to be mother & father the child

Is this a question of is the man being “less of a man” by having his wife work when he should be the provider or the man just not allowing the wife to go and get a job? There are many men out there who believe – whether it is a noble cause of being the tradition provider of the family or a far less noble cause of just wanting the woman to serve the “at home” needs of the family….

Let me preface this to saying that I do not have kids. But I have thought very hard about this issue mostly because we live in a different society and world than the generation 30+ years earlier than us.

Here is how I was raised by what I feel are what as looked at by society as traditional values. The father works as many jobs as it takes to make ends meet and the mother stayed home with the kids and did the house work. There are people my age (30s) who still believe this is the best and only way to raise a family – not to mention people, like my mother, of my parent’s generation who still look down on people who stray from the tradition values – “…Why doesn’t she be a good mother and stay home with the kids…” or “…why does he allow wife to get a job when he should be taking care of his family…”

To me, this traditional family thinking is complete BS is today’s world. There is a part of me that thinks that it – if it were an option to have a parent (mother or father) to stay home with the kids 100%…But the parent who stays home also needs to get out and have some adult responsibilities of a job for many reasons: the sense of contribution, real-world adult interaction, and not to mention a career because you never know what tomorrow may throw at you – death of the “breadwinner”, divorce, injury, etc.

I know there are financial reasons that make it logical for the father to work a second job over the mother getting a job. But don’t let the traditional look at the family members roles and responsibilities deter you to take a job and have your husband stay home in the evening with the kids while you work…or even, you take a job while your husband is working which may require day care for the kids (and this would only make sense if the finances are logical). I know there are many out there, who have bad ideas about day care, but at least both parents would be around in the evening and you can have more time to interact as a family.

It seems like the wife is just a little lazy. I just went back to work after being home with my children since they were born (my oldest is 2 1/2). My fiance (their father) and I were having a lot of money problems so he mentioned getting a second job. I wasn’t going to have that. It wouldn’t have been fair to him or the kids if he was gone all the time working his butt off. I don’t agree with it.

No, I don’t think a mother has to stay at home with her child. My husband stays home with our daughter. Fortunately I only have to work 50 hours per week in order to make this happen, but we are all much happier for it. When I couldn’t pay the bills on my own my husband and I worked different shifts and only saw each other in passing, but with all the crazies out there and the cost of day care we felt that we were doing the best thing for our daughter. I understand this isn’t the right decision for everyone, but it is the best thing for us. This is a decision that every family has to discuss to decide what is going to work best for them. To each their own.

I have always worked and sometimes worked two jobs and as a mother I think it is important for both parents to work so both can be with the children. Sure its great for the mother to saty at home, but I think the father should have rights also.

You are sooo right in your question and your points…Daddy misses out. A child needs both parents there…Wehn does Dad get his bonding time with the child..

Yes I do believe that a Dad has such a big impact on his kids life. However, a husband that works and sacrifices so his wife can stay home, well, what a good man to have around!!
My hubby works 60 hours a week so I can stay at home with our two kids. This is how he wants it. He wants our son to know that Mommy or Daddy is going to be there when he gets home from school and our little girl to have mommy at home every day. however, he is such a wonderful hubby and Dad. My kids know he works hard and loves them very much. The day that he is off and gets to spend with me and them makes it that much more special. He did say that he misses the little things, but it all is worth it when he comes home and they run to him and grab his neck and give him a kiss. I am so blessed to have him, so are they. That is why when my husband gets home from work, there is a hot meal, clean house, his comfy lazy boy ready, and a huge amount of hugs and kisses to let him know that he is #1 Dad and husband.
As to say that ones marriage would be affected, well, that is entirely up to the couple. they have to choose whether they want a firm marriage or a weak one that crumbles at the slightest change. You need a quantity of quality time in marriage and raising kids.

A real American HERO