My friend thinks that having her son in full-time daycare is better for him then being a stay at home mom?
Classic Claire asked:
My friend and I kind of got into a debate the other night. She was talking about how she thinks having her 2 year old in daycare Monday through Friday from 8-5 is better then being a stay-at-home Mom with him because she feels like he gets more socialization. I think that if a mother has a choice that being a stay at home mom is beneficial to a child’s well-being and socializing them a couple days a week in addition to that is healthy.
My friend and I kind of got into a debate the other night. She was talking about how she thinks having her 2 year old in daycare Monday through Friday from 8-5 is better then being a stay-at-home Mom with him because she feels like he gets more socialization. I think that if a mother has a choice that being a stay at home mom is beneficial to a child’s well-being and socializing them a couple days a week in addition to that is healthy.
What do you honestly think? Working moms… if you had a CHOICE would you honestly still put your kids in daycare Monday through Friday… or would you stay home with them more?
Just curious.
DIXIE
December 11th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Hmmm tough one, socializing a child at that age is good for them especially as they may start getting bored at home with mummy all day. I prefer to raise my child myself for my own reasons like wanting to be around her but if I could choose part time day care I probably would, there is just no point for me as I work from home anyway. I think day care is fun for young kids, I think it is the parent who is missing out when their child goes to day care, and of course it is best for them to be home if they are sick so they can cuddle up to their mum. A lot of parents feel guilty putting their child in day care because they have to go to work, this guilt is because they aren’t spending much waking time with them though, I don’t think its neccessary to feel bad about it.
December 11th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
i am a stay at home mom and LOOOOVE it.
i wouldn’t have it any other way.
when my first was born she was in daycare m-f usually from 7am-6pm sometimes less, depending on how much work i had to do.
she was there from the time she was 8 months till she was 2 years and we pulled her out.
in daycare she had disiplinary problems, she was very clingy when she got home, she just didn’t seem to be very happy.
when i started being a stay at home mom she changed instantly within a week she was so much more happy and not as clingy at all, she was learning things and just developing better.
i will always be a stay at home mom now no matter what because i feel like i have got to develope such great relationships with all my kids so far and i always get to be there for them and know how they are being raised and i get to bring them up the way i want to.
December 14th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
I think your friend is saying that because of her own guilt for having to do it! Most moms wouldn’t want their child in day care that much…and many moms don’t have a choice. They feel horrible guilt over it. You friend is probably just saying that.
If she honestly believes that then maybe she is the kind of person that really should have her child in the care of someone else…for the child’s best interest!
December 16th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Not to sound entirely diplomatic, but I think you’re both right. I’m a stay-at-home-mom and I often feel like my daughter would be much more advanced if she had more socialization. I think she’s missing that in her life. However, I would be devistated if I had to work and I would feel like my daughter would be missing out on the one-on-one interaction she gets from me. This is an age-old debate that has no easy answers. Every mom has to do what she thinks is best.
December 19th, 2008 at 6:21 am
Putting a child that young into day-care for so many hours is irresponsible. A child needs it mother and twice as much at that age when their personality is forming.
I’m not saying never put him into day care just not so young and not for so long.
December 20th, 2008 at 3:07 am
I believe the whole socialization thing is just an excuse to make people feel less guilty about day care. Most of those day care workers are just AT A JOB. They don’t necessarily love children, and they sure as heck don’t love your child. In my opinion, it’s harder, takes more patience, and more dedication to stay at home with your child, it’s actually easier to go work….and I admire stay at home mom’s greatly.
Why bother having kids if you are going to ship them off to strangers all day long?
December 20th, 2008 at 6:04 am
Well, I wouldn’t put my child in all day childcare if I had a choice – but some mothers don’t like being with a toddler all day long. They don’t have as much patience.
That’s not to say they’re bad mothers – but they know their limits.
I missed my daughter so much when I went back to work that I quit my job, figured out ways to make money at home – and vowed to stay at home until she went to school. Well, she’s at school now – in college – and I was able to work from home all those years. (And for many of them I was a single mother – so I wasn’t able to do it because there was a second income.)
All you can do is be the best mother you can. For some of us – it means staying home with our kids. For others, it means working – and putting the kids in daycare. As long as we love them and do what’s right for us (and pray a lot) our kids will be OK.
December 21st, 2008 at 6:43 pm
I would still put my kids in daycare, just a lot less…maybe 1/2 days or a few days a week…it really is great b/c they don’t just play, they teach the kids too (where my kids go) and the kids really do get a chance to be social and learn socially appropriate actions, social skills, etc…plus as they get older, they have “friends” and as they become more talkative they get to tell me about their day (which i already know when I’m home with them), etc. There are just a lot of plusses to daycare…but it doesn’t make up for some one on one (or two or three) mom/kid time. So, a happy medium would be my vote.
December 21st, 2008 at 10:25 pm
ionly put my 3 yo boy in daycare 3 days a week because i work. im happy for him to be there and no more than 3 days.other days yes i have him at home with me. its good for me to wrk and him to play learn and have fun and be away from me for a while. obviously your friend works full time so thats justified in having her child in full time. nothing wrong with it. she gets a better financial life. otherwise if she isn’t working and being at home doing not much and her child at day care then thats not realy good.
December 22nd, 2008 at 2:46 pm
It’s definitely beneficial to a child to have a stay at home mom. One on one attention is so important to their development. There have been studies done to this effect. Kids who go to day care (on average), don’t develop their verbal communication skills as quickly as kids who are getting one on one attention. Yes, they need socialization, but like you said, a play date once or twice a week is all they need a two. When they are three, they can go to pre-school three days a week and then, by 5 or 6 they will be ready to start real school 5 days a week. It’s not the only way to go, but in my opinion, it’s the best.
December 26th, 2008 at 2:27 am
I am not a mom, but when I was growing up my mother did home daycare so she could stay at home with my sister and I, so I do have some views on this.
I think that neither option is exclusively better. Kids should have socialization, and I think it’s also good that they be under someone else’s supervision sometimes. Moms today have a tendency to spoil their children to the point of brattiness, and often, working moms either are too tired to discipline their children, or try to overcompensate for their absence by giving the child everything it wants. So sometimes it’s good to have the child spend a few hours with an impartial person who can both give the child affection, and give it discipline. And there’s no denying that child-to-child interaction are important for development.
On the flip side, I have seen parents who drop their kids off an hour or more before work (so they can have a quiet breakfast) and leave them at daycare until the daycare closes- regardless of what time they actually finished working. Many even try to find places to put their kids on evening and weekends. At that point, the lack of parent-child bonding becomes detrimental. The child will start to act up and throw tantrums when being dropped off, because it feels so abandoned. Sometimes, they will then proceed to throw a fit about being picked up again- they are happy at daycare, and frustrated with mom or dad, and their tiny little minds can’t work out a rational response. Usually, these start as small problems which escalate as the parent tries to spend less and less time with the unruly child, who in turn becomes more unmanageable as their home life is cut shorter and shorter.
Bottom line, I think the best solution is to give the child a few days a week in daycare (or find a job where the child can go to daycare only a few hours each morning or afternoon, and spend the rest of the day with the parents) so that the child receives a healthy mix of socialization away from the family, and bonding time at home with the family.
Just my 2 cents (and 22 years experience!)
December 27th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
i honestly think that you shouldn’t have kids if you are going to palm them off to someone else,they are in kindy and school for a long time in there life a child needs there parents for the first 5 years of there life,not saying they shouldn’t go to playgroups and things like that every now and then,but why have kids if you never see them,i have 2 girls of my own and i love being home with them and wouldn’t change it for the world.if you ask me she is missing out.
December 28th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
I am so glad to be a stay at home mom to my four step kids and my new baby. ive seen the older four go through daycare while there dad was a single parent. it was pretty awful. the last one they were at, every timei went to pick them up, it was total chaos. tons of kids, all screaming and running around, and the daycare workers were just yelling at them. it was loud, unruly, like i said, total chaos. i know my kids are so happy to be out of there and to be able to come home after school now. socialization can happen in other ways, even with the lil ones b4 they go to school. go to the park? meet up with other moms for playdates? there are also all kinds of mom/kid programs going on it seems, whether its an exercise class or just a fun outing.
i feel so bad for the really lil ones that have to go to daycare because their moms have to work or whatever…2 of my cousins just had babies also and their babies have to go to a daycare…its really a shame i think, especially so young.
December 29th, 2008 at 11:17 am
I am all for moms staying at home if they are able and choose to do so. However, some moms are just at home with their kids and not doing a darn thing beneficial for the kid other than changing diapers, giving a bottle and placing them in front to the boob tube!
As a working mom, working mom’s can be just as effective in rearing kids just as the “Real” stay at home moms. I wish i could have remained home with my kids but my husband and I needed to work.
January 1st, 2009 at 7:26 am
I am a SAHM of two kids – a daughter almost 2yrs and a son 5 months. We belong to a local playgroup, so my kids are getting plenty of socialization. I would prefer not to have my kids in daycare (though if I had to work I would do it). It is not for socialization that keeps me from wanting to use daycare. It is that I want to be there for all their firsts and all the cute baby/toddler accomplishments. I don’t want to find out from someone else that my child learned to crawl or said their first sentence.
The stay at home moms vs. working moms is quite a heated debate. Neither side is right or wrong, it is all just personal feelings and guilt attacking the other side. Each mom will choose to do what is best for her family – emotionally, socially, etc.
January 4th, 2009 at 1:35 am
I think there are pros and cons either way. You don’t need daycare to socialize your child though. If you get involved in things like library story times, playgroups, Sunday School/church activities, then you can have a well-socialized child. I stay home with my sons and work part-time (nights, from home). They are not lacking for socialization. Honestly I did not want to leave my son to be cared for by others, although it is a reputable daycare in our town.
I think you make the best choice for your family, be it day care or staying at home. I don’t really think there’s a “wrong” choice as long as you feel you’re making the best choice for your family.
January 6th, 2009 at 6:53 am
Daycare does help children learn to socialize, learn how to follow a schedule, and get ready for school in general. I don’t have any children, but I work at a daycare & I see plenty of children that are well rounded and they come full time. I think you should just let her do what she wants, because it is her children.
January 6th, 2009 at 8:12 am
I think the Mom of a two year old should be home unless she needs to work to put food on the table.Some women don’t like to stay home,and if Mom’s not happy,the kids aren’t going to be happy either.I just don’t see why you would have kids,to have someone else raise them in their formative years.
January 9th, 2009 at 7:15 am
I think being a stay at home mom is great…I am one myself..my kids are 14 yrs old and up…but I only worked 1 time for like about 6 months with my kids. I felt like I was neglecting them but I had to work to help make ends meet at the time.
I ran an inhome day care also with my kids at home just so I didn’t have to leave them . That worked for awhile also. Now I am just grandma and an every once in awhile sitter for friends and family. But I would rather be with the kids and know they are safe and being taken good care of then leave them in a place that is government funded.
January 12th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Well, my son is two and a half and he is in his first week of full time daycare, he loves it and wants to go back every day. He was sad when he found out that tomorrow he won’t get to go because it’s Saturday.
I have been a stay at home mom for 7 years and I sent my older child to daycare part time and he loved it. I ended up pulling him out because we moved. I put him in one closer to us but he was bored…and you should never be bored at daycare! My youngest is only 16 months and he likes it, but he is so tired when he gets home that he wants to go straight to sleep…it’s because he played so hard.
I am lucky, I get to work at the daycare where my children go to school so I get to see how much fun they are having all day. I work with three year olds and I can tell you that all of them have a great time at school and they have fun playing with all their friends. It’s hard on the children that are there all day because they miss their parents, but they love coming in to play with thier friends!
I ran a daycare out of my home, and the kids were always active and had fun, but my 2.5 year old was begging me to send him to school and finally I gave in. I can’t afford daycare if I don’t work so I had to take my little one also.
So far so good!
I think it depends on the kid and the parents. My children are incredibly social and love hanging out and play. I couldn’t afford to take my children to a bunch of activities that would allow them to play with other kids their own ages and none of my friends have children so taking them to daycare was a good option for them.
If it ends up that they begin to hate the school then I can pull them out…but so far so good.
January 13th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
If I got to say home with my kids I would only put them in daycare for a few hours a week. Maybe 2 days for 4 hours. Just so they could play with other kids and it would give me time to do running around.
January 16th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
You can be a SAHM and still give your child the same benefit of socialising. I’ve been a working mum and a SAHM, now I have the choice, I’m at home and loving it. My child is socialising with many people, and at MY pace, with people I choose to socialise her with. I’m supervising everything she does, and who she meets, and how they interact, and I always have time for her.
Day care is good, but a mother who is committed to her child’s welfare and is able to provide her baby with a range of different opportunities will always be better than one worker who has to be responsible for 10 kids at a time.